De Ja Vu

It’s happened to us all.

An incident occurs and suddenly a feeling comes upon you where it’s kind of like a second wave of something that’s happened to you before maybe in a past life or in a dream or on a date. This was the case for me when I made a bit of a balls up yesterday when typing the weeks lunch menu.
Basically the situation is that every Monday morning Chef writes the weeks menu for the restaurant in his special A4 menu book. He brings it to reception and we get it typed up and printed out on the lovely yellow paper on the fabtastic colour printer both of which are kept in the back office AKA the bosses domain.
So yesterday, as usual I typed up the menu, printed off about 10 copies on the lovely yellow paper on the fabtastic colour printer then slid a copy into each of the menu folders for patrons of the restaurant to read in style. Job done.
So it got to around lunch time, the boss was on his way in, when Chef looked at the menu and pointed out that the vegetarian option on had been mistyped. It should have read

“Roasted Pepper stuffed with citrus cous cous”

But instead was simply

“Citrus Cous Cous”

Oh dear!

So I looked at the clock before I corrected the mistake on the document and printing off another 10 copies whilst frantically pulling each of the menus out of their folders and hiding them right at the bottom of the scrap paper tray so that the boss would be unaware that I had wasted 10 precious sheets of the lovely yellow paper as well as a shed load of ink from the fabtastic colour printer.
Now as I stood their like woman possessed, I couldn’t help but get that feeling that I mentioned before, the de ja vu. And all of a sudden I found myself reminiscing about an incident which occurred in November of last year. Something which still to this day sends shivers down my spine, and chills me right down to the bone.

It’s the same story as before, chef writes menu, brings to reception, blah blah blah. And just as the lunch service began, Diane from the bar came up to the desk with a huge grin on her face to point out an error on the first of the main courses

“Traditional Yorkshire Pudding served with a traditional Yorkshire Pudding and Roast Gravy”

I don’t need to tell you what it should have said.

Anyway we all had a good laugh about it, the boss wasn’t there, so I simply corrected the mistake, took out and hid the old menus, slipped in the new ones, and that was the end of that. Or was it?
The following day I was sat at my desk, the boss was on the phone in the back office, when one of the waitresses came over and said...

“Em... there’s a mistake on this menu”
“Let’s have a look”
So she handed the menu, and there it was, in black & white (or black and yellow rather)
“Traditional Yorkshire Pudding served with a traditional Yorkshire Pudding and Roast Gravy”
“But that’s not possible” I said, a look of horror on my face. I corrected that yesterday and printed a load more off. I did it I know I did it how can that be????”
So I had no choice but to insist that the waitress check all of the folders to see if it was just the one menu that I’d missed, but no, there it was in black and white (or yellow) on each and every one
“Traditional Yorkshire Pudding served with a traditional Yorkshire Pudding and Roast Gravy”
Shit!

“Ok” I said trying to remain calm. You need to take all of the menus out and let me print some new ones. Do not tell anyone and whatever you do. Do not let the boss see those menus”

“But... Em people are in the restaurant and....”

“Well the people are just gonna have to wait aren’t they the fat b***ards! Just get the menus out of the folder and bring them to me NOW”

So the waitress went off to adhere to my command. At that point I could feel the vein throbbing in my head, a bit like stressed Eric. Think Em, just think.

Ok....You need to correct the mistake on the menu, then print off another load with the correct main course, the boss is in the back office where the printer and yellow paper are kept, and you’ve got to do it without him knowing.... shit

Waitress emerges

“Em have you printed of more menus off yet because....”

"RIGHT! PEOPLE NEED TO STOP COMING TO RECEPTION TO TALK TO ME ABOUT MENUS! PEOPLE NEED TO START ASKING WHY THIS IS HAPPPENING NOW INSTEAD OF EARLIER! DOESN’T ANYONE CHECK ANYTHING ANY MORE? IS THIS A HALFWAY HOUSE? JUST... GO AWAY AND JUST LET ME THINK I NEED TO THINK!”

Exit waitress.

Ok... Here goes...

So I went into the document on the reception computer, carefully corrected the mistake, then opened the door to the back office where the boss was on the phone. I made my way over to the cupboard where the yellow paper is kept and began to load it into the printer, subsequently dropping the cover to the loading tray about an inch away from the bosses head as he sat on the phone trying to ignore me, to no avail.

“Are you ok Em?” he asked as he squinted at me like I’d gone insane
“Yeah???? Yeah! Fine. Everything’s fine”
“You sure?”
“YES!”
“Ok” he said, unconvinced before returning to his conversation leaving me to continue my mission

So I picked up the cover and placed it back on the loading tray ran back to the front desk computer and hit the print button, the next thing I know, sheets of yellow paper were shooting out of the printer and flayling all over the room like something out of that money cubicle on “Noels House Party” SHIT!

So darted back into the office tripping over the bosses chair in the process and frantically tried to recover the menus that were dropping right in front of the bosses face as he still sat on the phone

“Em are you sure you’re alright? what are you doing? what’s happening?”

NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nothings happening!!!!!!! Everything’s fine nobody’s dead, nothing’s on fire! just you go back to your conversation and leave me alone!!!!

Of course the above outburst was purely in my head. I would never freak out at the boss like that for real. In actual fact I didn’t say anything to him, I just point blank ignored him, gathered the menus which I gave to waitress whilst apologising prefusely, and then returned to my desk and by the time the boss had come off the phone, he’d pretty much forgotten all about it.

So two days later, I was just about to leave for the day. I had been on the early shift and handed over to the senior receptionist, just putting my coat on, when all of a sudden she comes out with....

“Oh by the way... who typed the menu for the restaurant this week?”

SHIT!

“Erm... Me” I replied sheepishly, the theme tune from the x files blasting in my head “Why”

“Oh no reason. You just made an error on there that’s all. It was quite funny really, you’d typed - Traditional Yorkshire Pudding served with a traditional Yorkshire Pudding and Roast Gravy. You nutter”

“Does the boss know?” I asked, seriously not laughing

“No he doesn’t know, I just took them out and printed another batch off. Don’t worry, It’s sorted, Enjoy your night off”

Well safe to say, that night I downed 2 bottles of red wine like it was tap water, I think I may have rang my sister at around midnight sinisterly whispering “something is happening to me” down the phone whilst cowering in the corner. But the only solice in the whole paranormal situation was – The boss didn’t know.

So another 2 days passed, everything appeared to be normal, when all of a sudden I looked up from my desk to see the boss squinting at the menu. As he walked towards me it was like each step was in time with my heartbeat and I could feel myself breaking out in a sweat as the words came out of his mouth. You won’t believe it....

“Em.... Look at this....There’s an error on this menu....”