Same s**t different day

Our hotel that sits on the outskirts of this sleepy little Borough in the North of Staffordshire is probably renowned for 2 things above all others. Brenda the waitress who’s worked here for about 400 years, and the mismatched upholstery in each of the bedrooms that hasn’t been changed since I don’t know when.

Nothing in this place ever changes. It’s like a balance, a cosmic ordering which ensures that things remain just so in order for them to tick along smoothly.

Take me for example. I of course, am not, by any means, brilliant at my job. BUT… I do the best I can with what God gave me. The boss knows it. The staff know it, everybody knows it and no it’s not ideal, but it works.

The boss accepts that my love and commitment for the place makes up for my mediocre work, my forgetfulness and the fact that if I’m really tired I often develop what’s known as skull-face (when your skin goes really pale and your eyes look dark and sunk in like a skull) But he accepts it. Because that’s just the way things are.

So in order for this balance to stay in place, there are often times when I am required to… I wouldn’t say deceive but more like, lie to the boss so that he feels he can continue to believe that I am competent at my job hence keeping the balance of power, and the cosmic order still in place.

Like last week for example. I came in on the late shift and took over from Helen one of our part time girls, and a few hours into my shift, the boss picked up on something which lead him to ask the following question:

“Did Helen tell you that rooms 41 & 45 are staying for another week because on the system they’re still due to be checked out tomorrow?”

Now at that point I was faced with a bit of a catch 36 situation. You see Helen did indeed inform me that rooms 41 & 45 had extended their stay, yet I hadn’t actioned it on the system as any competent person would. So I was then left with 2 options, only one of which would keep the balance in order. Did I tell the boss that Helen had told me about the rooms but I hadn’t actioned it on the system making myself look incompetent, OR… did I say that she hadn’t told me anything about it making me look innocent and her look forgetful? My decision…

“No she didn’t say anything. Don’t worry about it. I’ll change it now”

“Yeah ok” the boss went on “But things like that really should be written in the handover diary”

S**t! The handover diary

“Yeah, I know, don’t worry about it. I’m sure it’s just a one off.

So as the boss went to have his afternoon tea, I then tippexed out Helens note in the handover diary, as soon as it dried I wrote one of my own notes over it so it looked like I had simply made a mistake. The balance of power still remained in my favour, the cosmic ordering was all in place, nothing had changed, no need to worry.


Now this last week or so I haven’t really been feeling very well. Maybe to do with the stress I’ve incurred following the departure of our senior receptionist in the first week of January, or maybe the back lash from a little bit of over indulgence during the Christmas period. I’m not really sure.

But when you’re not well, as I know you’ll understand, it's bound to make you a bit drowsy,a bit vulnerable. Perhaps not as sharp as you would normally be otherwise. And sometimes you just need a little bit of help from those who are closest to you just to get through the day. Surely that’s not too much to ask right?

Wrong!

The other day I was slumped in my chair on the front desk looking like death warmed up, the boss was standing beside me doing something that looked important, and I realised that I still hadn’t been passed the paperwork I needed so that I could post the charges on the computer for the meeting that had been held at the hotel that morning. So… feeling weak, and vulnerable, I put on my best whimpering “I think I’m going to die” voice and asked the boss:

“Will you get me the paperwork to this mornings meeting please”
The boss turned to look at the filing cabinet that stood around 5 feet away, then looked at me and replied “Yep, sure” before going back to his work.

About a minute passed, I was still sitting, the boss was still working, and still no paperwork. And so, I asked “Do you know where the paperwork is?”

“Yeah” he replied as he turned once more to look at the filing cabinet 5 feet away. “It’s in the filing cabinet, I’ll get it in a sec”

“Ok”

So then another minute passed, me still sitting, boss still working, still no paperwork, and so….

“Do you want me to go and get the paperwork Boss?”

His response

“WELL IF YOU DON’T MIND TREKKING UP MOUNT KILAMNJARO FOR IT EM!!!!! BLOODY HELL! YOU KNOW I’M HERE I’VE GOT A MILLION BLOODY THINGS TO DO AND….”

“Alright shut up! Point taken! bloody hell. “

Can you believe that? Believe what I have to put up with? I’m at deaths door and he can’t walk 5 feet to get me a sheet of paper? Unbelievable! The balance of power had then been shifted. Had to get it back.

So I got up out of my chair, sniffling and muttering to myself as I made my way over to the filing cabinet, opened the drawer, filtered my way through, then moments later went back over to my boss and said:

“There’s no paperwork in there”
“Bloody Hell Em”
“Well it’s not my fault!”
“I tell you what! If you want something doing… Let me have a look”

So he made his way over to the cabinet and low and behold… no paperwork

“See”
“Well I don’t know what’s happened cos this particular company booked a block of meetings for this year at the beginning of January, they sent a confirmation with all the dates and agreed prices and I told Simon (His protégée) to photocopy it and file one copy in each relevant date. Bloody useless he is”

Ah… now! At that point a hazy recollection popped into my head, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on, my eyes drifted as I tried hard to think back and… oh…yep... there it is, don’t give the game way Em. Just play along.

“Yeah you know what he’s like. Waste of time. Why don’t you see if there’s any paperwork filed under the date of the last meeting?”
“Good Idea Em”

So we sifted back and there it was filed away under the date of the last meeting, the original confirmation with all the dates and prices. No drama, no fuss. And the balance of power back in my favour.

I never told Helen that I put the blame on her for my imcompetence,Just like I never told Simon that I had managed to get him in the bosses bad books without him actually being there. And just like I never told the boss that the task of photocopying the meeting confirmation and filing one under each relevant date was something which Simon delegated to me to sort out, and I’d somehow managed to balls it up.

Sometimes I feel guilty about these things I’m forced to do. I don’t always like it, but hey, a girls gottta do what a girls gotta do! And why mess with the cosmic order of how things should be?

It’s a known fact that everything here must remain a certain way in order for us to survive. It’s always been the same, and it works.

Nothing in this place ever changes. Not a single thing! But why would we want them to…. when they’re so damn spanking good?