My Mr Right

I was talking to one of our waitresses earlier about how amazing it is that one tiny incident can begin a domino effect amounting to a huge predicament that you find it almost impossible to find a way out of.

At the time of that conversation I was referring to a bank charge I incurred about 18 months ago which lead to me missing a credit card payment due to lack of funds, hence taking out a loan to pay the credit card off which then resulted in the loan repayments still crippling me to this very day.

I then went on to tell the story of a friend of mine named Jayne who sarcastically replied “yes” when asked by one of our college classmates if her name was Dave. I think she would agree that, of all the mistakes she has made in her life, that is by far the biggest given that Dave is now a nickname which 7 years on is still going strong.

So then that got me thinking about another incident, an incident that occurred last night whilst I was on the phone to my latest love interest. A simple question, in fact no… it was more a statement which he considered to be perfectly innocent, however has now left me facing the biggest predicament I have encountered in quite some time.

You see the thing about being a hotel receptionist is that every day you wake up with the possibility of meeting someone new. Every day is full of surprises, nothing is ever the same.

But even with that in mind, it still came as huge shock to me when 6 weeks ago I found myself right at the centre of the attention of a tall, funny, drop dead gorgeous electrician who came to stay with us on a short term contract, only for it to result in him capturing my heart.

I won’t really bore you with the minor details. Let’s just say It was just a case of…

Boy meets girl
Girl smiles
3 days later boy gives girl his number
Girl accepts but then loses number in black hole handbag and forgets all about it
Boy tracks down girl on facebook and sends drunken heart warming message
Girl reads message goes to bed, wakes up, forgets all about message then goes to work, is reminded about message and so texts boy
Boy asks girl out
Girl says ok.

So that’s pretty much how the scenario went. However as you’ve probably gathered from reading my previous posts, I’m not what you would call a conventional type of girl. I don’t like holding hands or cuddling up on the sofa. I don’t like surprises in any way shape or form. I don’t like having my drinks paid for whenever and if ever I should agree to go on a date with a guy and I think that going out for lunch is something you do with either close friends and relatives or quite simply people you don’t like enough to offer them a prime time slot in your evening.

So these are all things that my perfect guy came to find out slowly. These little quirks that he, for some reason considered to be charming. And following his departure from the hotel 2 and a half weeks ago, we have spoken on the phone every day, hounded each other with text messages and last week, I agreed to go and spend 2 days with him at his home in Cambridge.

So all appeared to be going well until last night when we were having a general chat about my visit and he came out with something which, within a matter of seconds completely decimated everything that has been arranged over the course of the past 2 weeks. And that was…

“There’s a Tesco next to the train station so we’ll go there to get some food and stuff when I come to pick you up”

As I heard that statement I think the best way to describe it is that it was like one of those moments you see in films like on Armageddon when everyone slowly starts walking toward the TV upon the discovery that there is an obliterating asteroid that is about to hit earth. Hearts start beating slowly, everything goes into slow motion, and that was exactly how I felt at that moment. And it only got worse from there.

“Sorry… what did you just say?” I replied
“I said… There’s a Tesco next to the train station so we’ll go there on Thursday when I come to pick you up”
“We?”
“Yeah!”
“Both of us?”
“Yes”

There was then an icy silence on the line which to both of us said only one thing. This isn’t good. You see there’s something about me that you may find interesting, something which I may have neglected to mention before maybe because there was simply no reason to, and that is that I suffer from something which you may have heard of called “Commitment Phobia” which basically means that I am a self confessed saboteur when it comes to anything which resembles something that may possibly turn into a relationship.

So upon realisation that I was going from living a lonely singleton life to getting picked up at train stations and taken on shopping trips to Tesco. I suppose it’s needless to say that I was a tad freaked out and when it came to hiding it. Lets just say I failed miserably.

“Are you still there” My beau asked as I frantically lit a cigarette and topped up my wine glass.
“Yeah I’m still here”
“Are you ok”
“Yeah”
“Are you sure”
“No! I don’t want to go to Tesco.”
“What?”
“I don’t want to go to Tesco! I know it’s weird and I’m really sorry but I really don’t want to go to Tesco so please, please don’t make me”

I’m not sure what the next icy silence was a sign of. Perhaps the calm before the storm which was the latter part of the conversation

“Ok.” He said
“So what do you suggest we do about food because I don’t really know what you like”
“Well I’ll tell you what I like and you can get it before I get there”
“Ok, what would you like”
“Super noodles” (Please don’t ask why I said that! I just… I don’t know)
“Super noodles?”
“Yeah”
“Ok… Anything else?”
“Red wine”
“Red wine”
“Yeah”
“Supernoodles and red wine”
“Yeah”
Another icy silence
“What sort of wine?”
“I’m sorry?”
“What sort of wine?”
“I’ve just said, red”
“Yeah I know but is there any particular kind of red”
“Oh well perhaps a nice merlot from the Nappa Valley or a shiraz from south Australia I don’t F**king know! What sort of question’s that! It doesn’t even touch the sides when it goes down so why would I be bothered where it’s from?”

I know what you’re thinking at this point. And even as I’m writing this it’s making me cringe in embarrassment. But the thing is that no matter how many of my horrible outbursts or psychotic eccentricities he is exposed to… This gorgeous, sweet, perfect guy still seems to like me! Do you know why? I hope so cos I certainly don’t.

Anyway the conversation was then ended leaving me to contemplate what a complete ass I’d been. Then I received a text message

SIMON HOTEL : We’ve lost the key to the night safe. Do you know where it is?

Simon… some of us have actually got real problems here. One bloody night off and I’m being hounded. Anyway after that distraction I got back to thinking, why does this guy like me? Am I irrational? Is it crazy that I’m getting so worked up over the Tesco thing? Lets see what my closest work colleagues had to say on the matter

SIMON - ASSISTANT MANAGER
“You’re a f**king psychopath and you really need to get your head looked at Em. If you’re looking at a trip to Tesco as leading toward marriage and Kids. You’ve Seriously got a problem”

JEANETTE – SENIOR RECEPTIONIST
“I hate supermarkets Em. I personally don’t think that anyone should ever go to a supermarket ever again. I know where you’re coming from”

PHIL – HEAD CHEF
“In all fairness Em you’re not the easiest person to cater for. Remember yesterday when a poached egg turned into a full English? I think the lads right. Just go to Tesco”

EMILY – CASUAL WAITRESS
“You are weird Em. But you do make me laugh. I think he sounds lovely and you should definitely go to Tesco”

So on that note, I refer back to my original point at the beginning of my story which was how amazing it is that the tiniest thing can escalate into something so huge. 48 hours ago I was excited about spending 2 fun filled days getting to know this perfect guy better, no promises, no strings attached, just go with the flow and now I can’t even face speaking to him on the phone because I’m so embarrassed about myself.

The truth is.. I really don’t know why I do these stupid things. I don’t know why I agreed to open the bar up for staff at 7:30am on Christmas Eve. I don’t know why I get so aggravated when people come to check out and leave the key fob with the room number facing down, and now I don’t know why I can’t just accept that this perfect guy is right for me and just go with whatever he wants to do.

Will I be going to stay with him on Thursday? I have absolutely no idea. And like I said before. This is by far the biggest predicament I have faced in quite some time.

I said to him the other night tht I thought it was like the old fable. The bird who fell in love with the fish. How could that ever work?

I suppose We’ll just have to see.