Diary of a Hotel Receptionist Christmas Special

Of course most of you know that I am not, in fact a hotel receptionist any more.

But I like to think that those of who have read this blog closely, see me not just as a hotel receptionist, but an interesting person a good story teller, and that this blog was simply a canvass on which to paint you a picture of my life, rather than a mould to secure it’s existence.

I have spent many a Christmas stuck behind a reception desk, smiley and happy pretending that there’s nowhere else on earth I’d rather be.

Obviously that’s crap. There are plenty of other places I’d rather be. Home being one, and so I invite you to read some of the highlights of my family Christmas, In the hope that you will see why…

Christmas morning. Rolled in at what I think was about 2am. I think I don’t know. I’m simply looking at it from a chronological point of view. But this is the sequence of events to my best recollection. From when I was invited to celebrate the birthday of a person I didn’t know, with a group of people I’d never met with the exception of one, On Christmas Eve…


11:56pm - Christmas Eve: I asked somebody from the group of strangers with whom I was drinking what time it was. He showed me his phone. I then took out my mobile phone and changed the time to coincide with his, then set the alarm for midnight.

11:57pm - Christmas Eve: I went the toilet to relieve myself and of course do a quick re-touch to my already…. I’m just gonna say it flawless make up there I said it.

00:00am Christmas Day: Still in the toilets when the alarm on my mobile phone went off, I frantically gathered together my belongings and ran back out to the bar where the group of strangers were excitedly exchanging pleasantries.

DON’T DO IT WITHOUT ME!

I screeched. The group of strangers then warmly invited me to join their huddle.


That’s when it becomes a bit of a blur. I remember a conversation with someone about what I did for a living, I remember bumping into someone I knew but I now can’t remember who that person was. I then remember getting a taxi home some time later, and paying 16 pounds, and having… let’s call it a “heated discussion” with the taxi driver over the fare.

When I came into the house I poured myself a drink and watched the ending scene to Billy Elliot 13 times on You Tube, I then proceeded to play Karma Chamelian by Culture Club, and posted the video link onto the facebook wall of one of my work colleagues.

It was at that point that I decided to retire to the sofa with my Duvet, and watch “A Muppet Christmas Carol” A parody film based on a Novel by 19th century Novelist Charles Dickens. This film is the fourth in it’s line in which the main character Ebenezor Scrooge is portrayed by Michael Caine. He has followed in the footsteps of many other great actors who took on this role including Alistair Sim, George C Scott, Patrick Stewart, and of course… Ross Kemp.

That is where the chronology becomes more clear.

07:23am - Christmas Day: After falling asleep to the Muppet Christmas Carol I was awoken by my older brother who was arriving home after attending an all night party….

“Merry Christmas Em!”
“Jesus Christ! Have you been to sleep?”
“No”
“That was a bit stupid wasn’t it?”
“Emma, don’t worry about me it’s Christmas! I’m alright, I’m on top of the world”
“Ok”
“We’re going to have a brilliant day”
“Ok”
“I’ll see you in a bit”

My brother then went upstairs, and I began to drift back to sleep, when…

“Em… Em are you awake?”
“No”
“Em you know your present?”
“Yeah?”
“Does it have to be wrapped?”
“No”
“Cos I’ve just tried to wrap it and I can’t cos it’s a weird shape”
“It’s fine”
“But it’s in a nice box anyway so I don’t think it needs wrapping”
“Yeah I’m sure it’s fine”
“Just look at it”
“I don’t need to look at it”
“Emma just look at the box!”

I shot up and squinted through my clumped up eye lashes, and almost immediately slumped back down

“It’s fine”
“Are you sure?”
“YES”
Ok”


Then there was silence, I could however still feel my brothers presence hovering at the door

“What is it now?”
“Do you want a cup of tea?”

Whether that was the question that he originally intended to ask I have no idea, maybe it was a decoy question that he decided to ask after hearing the irate tone in my voice. I guess we’ll never know.

“Yes go and make a cup of tea”

So then I was up. Christmas morning, a time for family, and I suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of guilt at how I spoken to my brother a few minutes prior, and so I did what any normal, loving sister would do, and I went upstairs to sit on his bedroom floor, and iritate him to….

“Whose is that present there?”
“It’s Louises”
“Is it?”
“Yeah”
“What’s in it?”
“Lush
“It looks like a star”
“Well that’s cos it’s in a star shaped box.
“Oh. The wrapping’s a bit shoddy”
“Well it can’t be that shoddy cos you knew it was a star”
“Even so…”

I could see at this point that my brothers Alcohol fuelled Christmas High was rapidly beginning to fade

“What do you think…” he said “About me wrapping all of Alayna’s presents up as one?”
“You can‘t ”
“No?”
“Yeah”
“Why?”
“Cos it’s lazy”
“Do you think?“
“Yeah. Plus that’s what I was gonna do with my presents to Alayna and if we both do it … Well”

I could see my brother was too tired to argue, and so I decided to do what any normal little sister would do, and use the situation to my advantage

“Are you using that gift bag?”
“What gift bag?”
“This one”

He thought about it for a second

“I don’t know”
“Can I have it then?”
“I suppose so”
“Have you got any scissors?”
“Yeah”
“Wrapping paper?”
“Yeah”
“Can I have those as well?”

He didn’t care. He was holding his head in his hands, surrounded by boxes of go-go hamsters, tia maria and Chanel number 5, all still waiting to be wrapped. We persevered through the morning, then we got Lunch time. I was having a cheeky Cinzano whilst peeling the carrots, and then mum came out with the following statement…

“Should I put white wine in the gravy?”

At first there was silence. But then I think I spoke for everyone when I went on to say…

“No! Absolutely not!”
“Why?”
“Because you don’t know what your doing with it!
“Well I’m just going to put it in the gravy”

It called for drastic measures….

“Listen mum… I’m not gonna lie to you… But you’ve already ruined Christmas by not buying me any pyjamas that if I remember, I did say that was the only thing I wanted. Don’t get me wrong the Marc Jacobs perfume, the digital camera, the Loccitane, is all great but you have… let yourself down cos I haven’t got any pyjamas to get into after lunch. I am however giving you the opportunity to redeem yourself with what I know can be, if you put your mind to it, a brilliant family lunch and so I am asking you please PLEASE do not put any white wine in the gravy”

Luckily my mum has a sense of humour which is why I wasn’t sucking my Christmas dinner through a straw after that statement. But I think we were luckier that we did in fact manage to restrain her from pouring a £3.99 bottle of Valencia sweet white wine into the gravy which turned out to be… perfection.


And thus concludes the Gilbert family Christmas. Since starting my new job my judgement has been somewhat clouded as to what a special time it can be for those who are lucky enough to have good friends and family around them.

So here’s to 2011. To good friends, good family… And good Gravy!

God bless us…. Everyone!